Also see Computer Humor, Internet, Modern Technology and Email
- Chat Room Queen!
- A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.
- Computers were invented by Murphy.
- The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
- The geek shall inherit the earth.
- Home is where you hang your @
- I am logged in, therefore I am.
- I had a life once...now I have a computer and a modem.
- I'm just gettin' on for a minute...
- I've Got Male!
- Live well. Laugh often. E-mail much.
- Not tonight dear...I have a modem
- Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
- There's no place like http://www.home.com
- A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won.
- You've Got Mail!
- You've Got Male!
- Computer page: In the top left put a simple computer shape. A large gray square for the monitor with a back square (with rounded corners) on top of that for the screen will do. Add a gray rectangle just below the monitor to represent the key board. You could probably find a die-cut. At the top of the page write "www.loveyou.com", just below the keyboard write, "you've got mail!" At the bottom of the page black ABC sticker letters spelled out "Internet Fun". Here is a sketch to give you a better idea.(Susan M.)
- Recently someone forwarded this computer joke to me:
Deer Tech Support, Sum won tolled me wee wood knot knead two learn how too spell because computers wood dew it four us. Eye disagree. Dew ewe? (from C. W. in St. Paul, MN)
Deer C. W., Ewe our write. Thank ewe four a good clothes look at what "progress" has dun four education. Dew knot rely on spell-checkers. Ewe still have too THINK! (from Tech Support)
I know that many people, myself included, do a lot of journaling for their albums on the computer. I think it would be fun to do a page with lots of journaling using as many words like the above as you can think of. Then put a note at the bottom praising your new spell checker.
- I have a lot of photos of my grandchildren playing on my computer when they were very young. I also have photos more recent of them on the computer I built for them last summer. I am going to use them in a double-page spread along with copies of a few emails they have sent me. For the journaling I am going to use as many computer acronyms and smilies as I can and write more along the border. I will include a list of the meaning of them under a photo (with a hinge so it can be read). I think it will be interesting to see how much (or little) those things change over the years. Since I was collecting a list of Acronyms and Smilies for the page I added it to the website.
- I am going to make a double-page spread of the positive affect the internet has had on my life. One page will have a lot of journaling, lists of my favorite websites and photos of some of the computers I have owned. The other will have info about my websites along with one of the poems below about grandmas and computers.
- Another double-page spread will be dedicated to my online friends--with their screen name and real name if I know it. I have photos of some of them, including a few I have been lucky enough to meet in person. I will have one of the poems below in the center of each page with photos and the name lists around the edge. One page will be for people I know in person--both those I met online and got to know later and friends I met in person but became closer to through email. The other will be for people I have never seen but know better than some of my own family.
Friends Without Faces
We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens;
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.
With our mouse we roam through the rooms in a maze--
Looking for something or someone, as we sit in our daze.
We chat with each other. We type all our woes.
Small groups we do form while we gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody to type out our name.
We want recognition, but it is always the same.
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt
In IM's we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
We DO form friendships, but why we don't know.
And some of these friendships will flourish and grow.
Why is it on screen we can be ever so bold,
Telling those secrets which have never been told?
Why is it we share the thoughts in our mind
With those we can't see, as though we were blind?
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell:
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell 'real' people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.
Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are our Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.
Although you are a friend of mine
And letters we exchange
I would not know you on the street
And doesn't that seem strange?
You hold a place within my life
Unusual and unique
We share ideas and special dreams
And still we do not speak.
I picture what I think you are
Perhaps you picture me.
An intriguing game for both of us
For someone we cannot see.
So for this friendship we possess
We owe this mail a debt
Perhaps the charm lies in the fact
That we have never met.
Every night I lie in bed, this little prayer inside my head:
God bless my mom and dad, and bless my children,
And take care of my husband; he brings me so much joy . . .
And God, there's just one more thing I wish that you would do:
If you don't mind my asking, bless my computer too?
Now I know that it's not normal to bless a small machine
But listen just a second and I'll try to explain . . .
You see, that little metal box holds more than odds and ends.
Inside those small components rest a hundred loving friends.
Some, it's true, I've never seen and most I've never met.
We've never shaken hands or ever truly hugged, and yet . . .
I know for sure they love me by the kindness they give
And this little scrap of metal is how I get to where they live.
By faith is how I know them, much the same as I know you.
I share in what life brings them from that our friendship grew,
Just take an extra minute from your duties up above
To bless this little hunk of steel that's filled with so much love.
Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head.
God bless my mom and dad,
And other family.
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.
And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do.
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Bless my computer too.
Now I know that it's not normal
To bless a mother board,
But listen just a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord'.
You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my FRIENDS.
I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.
By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.
Please, take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love!
Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
bless each email Inbox
And the person who hits Send.
When you update your heavenly list
On your own CD-Rom
Remember each who've said this prayer
Sent up to God.com. Amen.
Grandma's Gone Computer
In the not too distant past--I remember very well--
Grandmas tended to their knitting and their cookies were just swell.
They were always at the ready when you needed some advice.
And their sewing (I can tell you) was available--and nice.
Well, Grandma's not deserted you, she dearly loves you still.
You just won't find her cooking, but she's right there at the till.
She thinks about you daily--you haven't been forsook.
Your photos are quite handy in the Pentium notebook.
She scans your art work now though and combines it with cool sound,
To make electronic greetings. She prints pictures by the pound.
She's right there when you need her, you really aren't alone,
She's out now with her 'puter pals', but she took her new cell phone.
You can also leave a message on her answering machine;
Or page her at the fun meet, she's been there since eight-fifteen.
Yes, the world's a very different place, there is no doubt of that.
So 'E' her from her web page, or join her in a chat.
She's joined the electronic age and it really seems to suit her.
So don't expect the same old gal, cause Grandma's gone 'Computer'.
Grandma's on the Internet
Grandma used to be scared of a mouse,
Would scream if one got in the house.
Now she hugs one night and day,
She'd rather cuddle it than stay
On the couch and watch T.V.
Her first love now is her P.C.
Windows were glass she'd wash and look through,
Now they are programs to help her view
The earth and the sea and the beautiful sky.
A virus was something from which you could die.
Now it's a nuisance that could spoil your day,
But it can be fixed and sent on its way.
She served her time with diapers and dishes,
Now she can do whatever she wishes.
And if that means staying up half the night
To point arrows at icons--that's really alright.
A bit was something you had little of,
Now it takes eight bytes to make the above.
It's all so confusing, it makes her head ache.
A byte was something you take from a cake.
But she knows all about it now,
Her four-year-old grandchild showed her how.
Grandma's Ain't What They Used to Be!
I have made my grandkids web pages,
And keep my friends up to date on their ages,
But more fun is posting pics from motorcycle trips,
And downloading software and games using zips.
Another use is to sell my wares,
And get my friends matched up in pairs.
I love to make new friends all over . . .
I even found myself a lover!
ODE TO 'I'm just gettin' on for a Minute"
© 1996, K. Weston
I got up this morning, but haven't yet dressed.
My dishes aren't done, and my house is a mess.
Have not done my work, have not fed the cat,
Just on for a second, and popped into 'chat'.
I used to watch TV, I used to cook Mex,
I think I remember I used to have SEX!
I used to walk upright, now roll on my chair,
Tho it causes the neighbors and children to STARE!
I wanted to travel around on the Net,
Been too busy chatting to get on there yet!
I wanted to spreadsheet, word process, or paint,
But gettin' on with 'em is just what I ain't!
So much to learn and I wanted to, but
I'm too busy chatting and splitting a gut,
"lisnin'" to people like NH and Cin,
Oh, gawd, what a fix I have got myself in!
Then up pops a name on my neat BuddyList,
Think I'll go out and give HIS tail a twist!
And in comes an IM from some weirdo-guy
I cuss 'im, insult 'im, and tell him bye bye.
Is there a 12-step support group, or such?
For those of us folks who just chat on too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prob'ly would be here online!
Are there therapists here? I think that I saw some.
It's got me, it's GOT me, it's power is AWESOME!
It's my new computer, I've had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a geek.
Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs,
Please help me, please help me, please get me off line!
Or better, please e-mail a burger and fries,
'Cuz I'm staying ON here, at least 'til I DIES!!.
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'putering',
And I had to answer "yes."
He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up . . .
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick . . .
I was just admiring my work . . .
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into . . .
I was into it all night. ((Sigh))
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess . . .
While I sit here on my hiney.
Songs about Computers
- Age of Computers - Interface (2006)
- Are You in the Computer - Hartley C. White (2000)
- Blame it on the Internet - Never Turn Back (2006)
- Build a Computer - Hanner (2004)
- Cars and Computers - Scott Herschler (2008)
- Computer - Emma Peal (2005)
- Computer Age - Nate Ashley (2000)
- Computer Ate My Homework, The - Leonardo (2005)
- Computer Blues - Lee Blanton (2008)
- Computer Cat - Donna and Andy (2002)
- Computer Crash - Andy Beck and Brian Fisher (2007)
- Computer Dating - Theoretical Girls (2008)
- Computer Friends - Sniper Twins (2008)
- Computer Games - Bart Willoughby (1997)
- Computer is Down, The - Seth Austen (1990)
- Computer is My Friend, The - Printed Circuit (2005)
- Computer Jokes - Moody McCarthy (2007)
- Computer Lady - Allen Toussaint (1996)
- Computer Language - Pretty Tony (1983)
- Computer Love - Goldee Heart (2007)
- Computer Malfunction - Sly and Robbie (1984)
- Computer Operator - The Sharpees (2004)
- Computer Passwords - Bob and Tom (2008)
- Computer Skills - Chad Love (2008)
- Computer World - Ides of Space (2001)
- Downloaded the Blues - J.C. Hyke (2003)
- First Redneck on the Internet - Cledus T. Judd and Buck Owens (1998)
- Gigabyte - Jeff Lorber (2003)
- Girl on the Internet - Krayzee (2007)
- Home Computer - Kraftwerk (2005)
- I Found Her on the Internet - Lamar Harris (2005)
- I Love My Computer - Bad Religion (2000)
- I Wanna Be a Webmaster - Steve Savitzky (2007)
- Internet Blues - Lawrence J. Clark (2003)
- Internet Café - Three to Go (2008)
- Internet Chatroom - Hadley Baker (2007)
- Internet Dating - Kevin Patterson (2004)
- Internet Dot Com - DuBay (2001)
- Internet Friend - Kief Lloyd (2004)
- Internet Friends - The Chords (2008)
- Internet is Changing Everything, The - Andy Sullivan (2006)
- Internet Love - Houndogz (2008)
- Internet Love Connection - Sudden Death (2001)
- Internet Love Letter - The Consultants (2005)
- Internet Man - Meri Wilson (1999)
- Internet Romance - The Chenille Sisters (2002)
- Late Night Computer Blues - Stark Rayven (2008)
- Met on the Internet - Barry McLoughlin (2008)
- My Computer - Doktor (2006)
- My Computer Told Me So - Chuck Redden (2009)
- My Internet Girl - Aaron Carter (2000)
- My Internet Love - Finale (2004)
- My Virtual Girlfriend - Larry Weaver (2001)
- Online - Brad Paisley (2007)
- Password - Kitty Wells (1964)
- Programmer's Alphabet, The - Steve Savitzky (2007)
- Race of the Computers - Pete Carr (1976)
- Slow Computer Blues - Nitro Blues Band (2005)
- Software - Michael Johnso (1995)
- Unknown Password - The Merlin Factor (2007)
- Virtual Party (See_You@Party.Net) - Peter, Paul, and Mary (1996)
- What's the Password? - Canton Jones (2008)
- When Your Computer Crashes - Sarah Moule (2002)
- Wish I Had a Computer - Deonne Taylor (2007)
- www.Memory - Alan Jackson (2000)