Also see Christmas Humor, Christmas and Winter.



Five Ways to say "Merry Christmas"

English - Merry Christmas
French - Joyeux NoŽl
German - Frohe Weihnachten
Italian - Buon Natale
Spanish - Feliz Navidad


Gift Card for Nuts

I searched for the perfect gift
but nothing seemed to do
then I saw these nuts
and suddenly thought of you.


Gift Card for Hot Chocolate Mix

You Friendship Has Warmed Us
The Whole Year Through
We Hope This Hot Chocolate
Will Do the Same For You.


Gift Cards for Mints


Gift Cards for M&M's

Have a Merry and Most Wonderful Holiday Season!


Gift Card for Muffins

You're Gettin' Muffin for Christmas


Gift Cards for Rice Krispie Treats

Snap! Crackle! Pop! I think you're really tops!
Thank you for putting the Snap! Crackle! Pop! into our (friendship/marriage)


Gift Cards for Lifesavers

For all the times you have come to my rescue.
You have been a lifesaver to me.


Gift Cards for Pop

May your Christmas be Merry and Sprite!
You make my day sparkle


Gift Card for Chips

I can always count on you when the chips are down.


Gift Cards for Tea

A friend like you is just my cup of tea.
May your days be steeped with love and warmed with joy!
Our friendship is like a cup of tea, a special blend of you and me!


Gift Cards for Gloves or Mittens

You are so handy to have around.
Thanks for lending a helping hand.


Magic Sleep

It's Christmas Eve, time for bed.
But not an eye will close.
Too much excitement in the air,
To let you even doze.

So make a magic potion
To help you fall asleep:
Then Santa and his helpers
Can down the chimney creep.

Pour this cocoa in a mug,
And with hot water mix:
Then drop in the magic kiss,
And stir with the candy stick!

Add a few marshmallows,
And sip it slowly down.
Crawl into bed and snuggle in-
The 'magic sleep' will come!

Note: Type this poem on a piece of paper. Attach it to a Ziploc bag that contains an envelope of hot cocoa mix, a candy cane, a chocolate Hershey's kiss, and a handful of mini marshmallows. It also makes a good idea for something different as a treat for kindergartners (either from a room mother at a party or as a gift from the teacher).


What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (Tannenbaum)


Santa's Magic Key

(get an old key and paint it gold, add some gems and attach the poem to it)

This key is very special, you see,
It won't work for you or me.

Hang it just outside your door,
Go to bed and worry no more.

Close your eyes and close them tight,
'Cause Santa Claus is coming tonight.

(alternate version)

Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney
for you to come in through
And if you miss our house
I don't know what I'll do.

Mom says you work magic
and can use just any old key
If we just hang it outside
in a place you're sure to see.

So I'm placing this old key
right beside our door
Say my prayer and jump in bed
and I won't worry anymore.


Snowman Poop

For a cute gag gift put some white packing peanuts in a bag with this poem:

You've been naughty!
Here's the scoop-
All you get for Christmas
is Snowman poop!

(alternate version)
Santa's made his list and
he's checked it twice.
He isn't too happy 'cause
you haven't been nice.
Coal is too expensive so
here's the scoop:
He's filling your stocking
with snowman poop!!

(Be careful with this. I played the trick on my son-in-law when my oldest granddaughter was around five years old. She ended up in tears and saying "my daddy is to good". She was okay after we told her it was a joke but she still didn't think it was funny.)


reindeer Reindeer Food

Tis the night before Christmas
and since every year,
You feed Santa Claus,
Now feed his reindeer!

Instructions:
1. Wait until Christmas Eve.
2. Open bag and sprinkle Reindeer Food on the lawn.
3. Hop into bed!
4. Shhhhh!!! Listen for Santa!
5. Close your eyes tight! Watch the sugarplums dance!

Contents:
Enough Reindeer food for eight tiny reindeer!

(mix glitter with oats or oatmeal to make the magic reindeer food)


Christmas Carol Game

There are several ways to use this list. You could divide people in groups and see who figures out the most in a set amount of time. Another idea is to had the list to everyone and when someone figures out a carol they can sing a little of the song.

  1. Colorless Yuletide
  2. Castaneda Seed in a Conflagration
  3. Singular Yearning for Twin Anterior Incisors
  4. Righteous Darkness
  5. Arrival Time: 24:00 Hours/Weather: Cloudless
  6. Loyal Followers Advance
  7. Red Man en Route to Borough
  8. Delight for This Planet
  9. Musical Clanging Objects Composed of a White Malleable Element
  10. Hail Nativity Conifer
  11. Expect My Arrival at My Domicile this Yule
  12. Move Hitherward the Entire Assembly of Those Who Are Loyal in Their Belief
  13. Listen, the Celestial Messengers Produce Harmonious Sounds
  14. Nocturnal Time Span of Unbroken Quietness
  15. An Emotion Excited By the Acquisition or Expectation of Good Given to the Terrestrial Sphere
  16. Embellish the Corridors
  17. Seraphim We Aurally Detected in the Stratosphere
  18. Twelve o'clock on a Clement Night Witnessed its Arrival
  19. The Primary Carol
  20. Hey, Minuscule Urban Area Southwest of Jerusalem
  21. The Slight Percussionist Lad
  22. Creator Grant You Cheerful Thoughts, Noble Sirs
  23. Tranquility upon the Terrestrial Sphere
  24. Rotund Personification Fabricated of Compressed Mounds of Minute Crystals
  25. Expectation of Arrival to Populated Area By Mythical, Magical Masculine Perennial Gift-Giver
  26. Natal Celebration Devoid of Color
  27. In Awe of the Nocturnal Time Span Characterized by Religiosity
  28. Geographic State of Fantasy during the Season of Mother Nature's Dormancy
  29. The First Person Dominative Plural of a Triumvirate of Far Eastern Heads of State
  30. Removed in a Bovine Feeding Trough
  31. Proceed Forth Declaring upon a Specific Geological Alpine Formation
  32. Our Desire is Your Yuletide Cheer
  33. Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges in the Period Past Twilight
  34. What Offspring Abides Thus
  35. Song of Joy from Harmonic Hollow Metallic Device
  36. Are You Experiencing Parallel Auditory Input
  37. Proceed to Broadcast This from a Much Higher Elevation
  38. Delighted Days Off
  39. I Auditorily Perceived Clapper Containers at the Peak of the Yuletide Season
  40. I Observed a Trio of Vessels Returning From Yachting

Answers:

  1. White Christmas
  2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
  3. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
  4. Oh Holy Night
  5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  6. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
  7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  8. Joy to the World
  9. Silver Bells
  10. Oh Christmas Tree
  11. I'll Be Home for Christmas
  12. Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
  13. Hark, the Herald Angels Sing
  14. Silent Night
  15. Joy to the World
  16. Deck the Halls
  17. Angels We Have Heard On High
  18. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  19. The First Noel
  20. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
  21. Little Drummer Boy
  22. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
  23. Peace on Earth
  24. Frosty the Snowman
  25. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  26. White Christmas
  27. O, Holy Night
  28. Winter Wonderland
  29. We Three Kings of Orient Are
  30. Away In a Manger
  31. Go Tell it on the Mountain
  32. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
  33. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Night
  34. What Child Is This?
  35. Carol of the Bells
  36. Do You Hear What I Hear?
  37. Go Tell it on the Mountain
  38. Happy Holidays
  39. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
  40. I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing By

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

Please accept as well a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)


O, Christmas Tree???

On a message board someone asked whether others had a real Christmas tree or a fake one. A person new to the board didn't realize that you had to reply from within a message or the reply would show up as a new thread. Those who hadn't noticed the Christmas tree question didn't quite know what to make of this post:
SUBJECT: Fake, the last 3yrs. I love REAL, but my husband doesn't
MESSAGE: My husband likes fake, he says less messy, more economical, safer. You have to pick your battles, even though I love real because of the smell and my childhood memories I gave in. It is a nice Fake!