Also see Kansas, Notable Kansans and Location Humor.

You know you're from KANSAS if:

The Creation of Kansas

Once upon a time in Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it.
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, some places will have opportunity while other parts will be poor."
"Some areas will be extremely hot and others very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel then pointed to an area and said, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God. "That's KANSAS, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, hills, and forests. The people from KANSAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, humorous, hardworking and high achieving."
Michael gasped in wonder but said, "But what about balance?"
God replied, "Wait until you see the losers I'm surrounding them with in Oklahoma, Colorado, Missouri, and Nebraska

Travel Tip

Planning a trip to Kansas soon? Winter is at 6am, spring is at 10am, summer is at 2pm, fall is around 5pm. Pack accordingly.

The Eleven Seasons of Kansas

While most places have four seasons, Kansas has eleven: Winter, Fool’s Spring, Second Winter, Spring of Deception, Third Winter, Spring, Tornado Season, Summer, Road Construction, Fall for Four Day, Christmas

Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin

This list will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

Kansas Temperature Conversion Chart:

Kansas Info

(Jeff Foxworthy)

Long Distance

A man decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started in San Francisco. In a church there, he saw a gold telephone with a sign that read "$10,000 a minute."
He asked the pastor about it. The pastor answered that the gold phone is a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk to God.
As he visited other churches, he found more phones, with the same sign.
Upon entering his first church in Kansas there he saw the usual gold telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents."
Fascinated, he said to the pastor. "I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found a gold phone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?"
The pastor replied, "Son, you're in KANSAS now . . . it's a local call."

KU versus K-State

A graduate from the University of Kansas, a graduate from Kansas State and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his firstborn.
Suddenly, the lights went out. Fortunately, power was restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room.
"I've got good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig," she announced. "Despite the electrical outage, two healthy boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered. However, since the lights went out at the most inopportune time, we aren't sure which firstborn belongs to whom. The only way we know to resolve the problem is to draw straws and have the winner choose first."
The three proud papas agreed, and the K-State grad won the drawing. He was escorted into the delivery room and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly long time. Finally, with head bowed, he scooped up the piglet and headed for the door.
"Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right choice?" the nurse asked.
"No, I'm not," replied the Wildcat. "But I just couldn't run the risk of ending up with the KU kid."

After I sent this to my high school graduating class, some of whom attended each of the above schools, I got this reply:
" . . . I can see how a K-State Grad would make that decision. KU people know about DNA testing."

(NOTE: feel free to reverse the names of the school if you pass this on)

Kansas Board of Education

A number of years ago the Kansas board of education decided that evolution was simply an unproven theory. There was a lot of reaction from around the country. One quote was a in a column by Gene Weingarten that appeared in the Washington Post.
"Memo to members of the Kansas Board of Education from God: Thank you for your support. Much obliged. Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their children's children after them. And in time the genes that have made you such pinheads will be eliminated through natural selection."

Survivor...Kansas Style

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, KSN Networks is planning to do it's own show.
The contestants will start in Wichita, travel west to Pratt, Garden City and up to Colby. From there they will head over to Hays, down to Great Bend, up through Salina and then on to Concordia. They will then proceed to Marysville down to Topeka, then south to Fort Scott and Pittsburgh, west through Independence, Arkansas City and Wellington, then back up to Wichita.

Each contestant will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper stickers that read "I'm a Vegetarian", "NASCAR Sucks", "Go Duke", Copenhagen is for Idiots", "Hillary in 2008", "Deer Hunting is Murder", "Say No to Budweiser", and "I'm here to Confiscate Your Guns". The first one to make it back to Wichita alive wins.

Gotta Love Those Kansas Girls

Three men were bragging about how they had been giving their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Colorado. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Oklahoma. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Kansas girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see just enough out of his left eye to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

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