This file includes Humor, Political Stuff, Info, Time Line, and Miscellaneous Stuff about the Covid19 pandemic that started in 2020 in the USA.
Also see Laughter is the Best Medicine, Stress, Emotional, and Mental Health, and Patriotism and Politics.
(Note: The Covid-19 pandemic was terrible in so many ways, but humor and a different way of looking at things helped lift many people's spirits.)
- 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
- Can we all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the correct answer to the question "where do you see yourself five years from now?"
- Covid-19 protocol evolution:
3/10/20 Nurses with known exposure will be sent home for 14 days.
3/18/20 Only nurses with symptoms will be send home for 14 days.
3-24-20 Only nurse who are dead will be sent home.
4-12-20 Nurses who were sent home dead will be expected to return to work today.
- Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
- The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
- During the lockdown all our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being the loser they always thought we were.
- Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
- I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
- I need to get back in shape but I’m kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort into it.
- I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
- I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
- If 2020 were a drink it would be colonoscopy prep.
- My goal was to lose 15 pounds this year . . . only 20 left to go.
- Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.
- Now that I’ve live through a plague, I understand why most Renaissance paintings are of chubby women lying around without a bra.
- On average a panda eats twelve hours a day. A confined human eats like a panda. Hence, the name pandemic.
- Some parents, including me, are beginning to crack during the lockdown. For, example the other day my young daughter asked "Mom, am I adopted". I replied, "Not yet, I just put the ad out yesterday."
- This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
- We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm. Some have yachts, some canoes, and some are drowning. Just be kind and help whoever you can.
- Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband: You weren’t really skinny to begin with.
Time of death 11:00 pm
- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay at home.
- I cleaned the TV screen with anti-virus wipes. I lost CNN, MSNBC, NBC, and ABC
- 1-7-2021 I'd like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I've experienced the free 7-day trial and I'm not interested.
- 3-1-2021 So we just letting March come back after the way it acted last year? (NP Amms)
- October 2020 Calling all parents! I will be holding a protest in my neighborhood on October 31st around 6pm. Your children are encouraged to come as well. I would suggest you put your child in a costume, as to disguise their identity. Costumes are optional for adults. We will walk around and protest the cancellation of Halloween. Please bring a bucket or bag, so the children can loo the neighborhood for some candy. Spread the work and I'll see you all at the protest. (Troy Crivellone) (Note: This was a response to the decision in many states to not allow trick-or-treating because it was unsafe but to allow protests.)
- March 2021: What's everyone wearing to the 1-year anniversary of the 14 days to flatten the curve? Asking for a friend.
- Some of you all got spaghetti sauce stuck in your microwave from 1997 and you’re in the store acting like a fool over Lysol.
- Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband: You weren’t really skinny to begin with. Time of death: 11pm. Cause: Covid.
- September 2020: I need to back in shape but I’m kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in it.
- Can we all agree that in 2015 not a single person go the answer correct to “where do you see yourself five years from now?”
- Now that I’ve lived during a plague, I understand why so many renaissance paintings are of chubby women laying around without a bra.
- October 2020: I am not turning my clock back an hour on November 1 because, seriously, none of us need an extra hour of 2020.
- I just dumped a pack of M&Ms into my mask at work and am slowly eating them like a horse. I love the pandemic.
- October 2020: Today marks five years we’ve been in 2020.
- Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. No to prevent Covid but to stop you from eating.
- 2020 should just become a new curse word, I don’t give a 2020…
- My house got TP’d last night, It’s now appraised at twice its previous value.
- September 2020: Due to Covid 19 we are asking rioters to work from home and destroy their own property.
- March 2020: We are about three weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color.
- November 2020 It just occurred to me that this would be a terrible time to get accused of a crime. For most of us our only alibi would be that we were home - either alone or with a close family member who might lie for us. Even if we were out and about no store clerk would remember if they saw us because of the masks. And on a lot of security cameras it is hard to recognize people even without masks so that wouldn't help much. (Denny Davis)
- July 2020 I understand how they can enforce the "no singing in church" rule (sending in undercover agents, bugging buildings, etc.) but I am at a loss at how they intend to enforce the "no screaming on a roller-coaster" rule. Is there going to be a monitor on each car or will they just put a recording device on each car and use voice prints to identify the culprits who break the rules?
- If you're waiting for permission from the chief executive to celebrate Independence Day with your family, you clearly don't grasp the concept of Independence Day. (Representative Thomas Massie)
- A politician who adds anything to a stimulus bill not directly related to the pandemic is no better than someone who loots during a natural disaster.
- News Flash: The government is not in charge of Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. Stop asking if we are still going to have them.
- Only in America in 2020 can you get arrested for opening your business, but not for looting a business. (Phillip Sontag)
- Walmart's bathrooms are open but their dressing rooms are not. You can go out to eat with your family but your family is not allowed to go to your doctor appointments. You must wear a mask while walking into a restaurant but you're allowed to take if off once you get seated. You may have a visitor at some hospitals but your husband can't go to your ultrasound appointment. You must put your money in a cup at the drive through but the cashier then touches the same money as well as your bag of food and hands it back. And the biggest red flag of all -- people can go visit prisoners in some states but y'all can't go see your grandparents. This isn't about safety anymore. And it never has been. (Jayme Whitten)
- We are NOT "all in this together"! Politicians and state and local officials have not given up their paycheck. They have not plowed under their fields or slaughtered their livestock or dumped their milk. They have not lost their homes or businesses. They have not laid awake all night wondering how they will feel their families or pay their bills. As they continue to enforce some of their draconian restrictions, not one of them is suffering from their own decisions. They are not now . . . and never will be . . . any part of the "We" in this! (The Silent Majority)
- If you are unsure about vaccinations, the answer is literally written in stone. Go to a cemetery. See all the baby graves there from before the 1950s - then very few after the 1950s? That’s when people started vaccinating their kids.
- No one should be allowed to drive again until there are no fatal accidents for 14 consecutive days. Then we can slowly begin to phase in certain classes of people who begin driving again, but at only half the posted speed limit (this puts things in perspective)
- It still amazes me that the governor with perhaps the worst COVID response literally took a break in the middle of it to write a book about how it was the best response (Rory Cooper)
- And just like that, all the parents discovered that the problem was not the teachers after all.
- November 2020 This Thanksgiving, if you see twenty cars at your neighbor's house, and you're thinking about reporting them, go to the fridge and drink a big glass of milk
Why? Milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business. (The Conservative Read)
- If your state opens before you think it should, you can still stay home while other go out. That's called Freedom!
- If you see someone open why they shouldn’t be you have a choice . . . either go in and support them or mind your own business because they are trying to save theirs! (The Silent Majority)
- March 2020 You're not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life. (I think most people agreed with this in the beginning when the plan was to keep things shut down just long enough and often enough in each location to prevent hospitals from getting over-crowded.)
- July 2020 I looked on several websites that talk about contact tracing. On every one of them they said they ask people to list those they have been less than 6 feet from for a certain number of minutes. Mostly they said 5 minutes but one said 10 and the CDC website said 15 minutes. That leads me to two possible conclusions. If it takes at least 5 minutes to catch covid-19 then why are we wearing masks at stores. Even at the checkout at the grocery store I don't spend more than 5 minutes within 6 feet of any one person. If it doesn't take at least 5 minutes then contact tracing can't be accurate if it leaves out all the people you were close to for less than 5 minutes.(Denny Davis)
- May 2020 Apparently YouTube believes they know which scientists are right and which are wrong. They are removing “content that explicitly disputes the efficacy of local health authority recommended guidance on social distancing” even if the content is by reputable doctors, scientists, etc. who just happen to have a different opinion on how to handle a pandemic. (Denny Davis)
- 1-31-20 President Trump closed all travel from China; Democrats called him racist
- 2-1-31 Joe Biden called Trump a Xenophobic and a fearmonger for banning travel from China
- 2-2-20 NYC Health Commissioner Oxiris Barbot said "Join the parades and don't believe the misinformation from President Trump
- 2-2-20 NYC Health Council member Mark Levine said huges crowds are a powerful defiance against the scare tactics of President Trump
- 2-24-20 Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi posted a video from Chinatown in LA calling Trump a racist and telling people to come down and join the crowds (no one in the video were wearing masks or social distancing)
- 3-2-20 NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio urges New Yorkers to get out on the town despite coronavirus and visit the cinema
- 3-13-20 NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio and his health expert tell New Yorkers to use the subway, go to concerts and that coronavirus is no big deal
- 4-3-20 (when the virus was spreading rapidly) Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff announced an investigation of President Trumps handling of the coronavirus crisis (indicating he didn't act nearly quickly enough).
Why My Brain Hurts
- Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
- Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
- Stores are closed, except those that are open.
- You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
- This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
- Gloves won't help, but they can still help.
- Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.
- There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
- The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
- Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
- You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my...
- In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but no. . .
- It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
- You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
- If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
- You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for three hours. Pizza too?
- Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with " I don't want to trigger panic, but . . ."
- You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
- You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.
- You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
- The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
- The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
- We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of . . .
- We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
- We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates. . . but we must no longer be locked up for that?
In Praise of Farmers
This was written about people who were buying up all the groceries they could during the pandemic even though there was never a time when grocery stores might be closed. Also, most stores had delivery or free pickup available, so there was no need to buy much more than the usual amount of food.
They ran to the groceries, they filled up their carts,
They emptied the Busch’s, Costco and Walmart,
They panicked and fought and then panicked some more,
Then they rushed to their homes and they locked all the doors.
The food will be gone! The milk eggs and cheese!
The yogurt! The apples! The green beans and peas!
The stores have run out, now what will we do?
They’ll be starving and looting and nothing to do!
Then they paused, and they listened a moment or two.
And they did hear a sound, rising over the fear,
It started out far, then began to grow near.
But this sound wasn’t sad, nor was it new,
The farms were still doing what farms always do.
The food was still coming, though they’d emptied the shelves,
The farms kept it coming, though they struggled themselves,
Though the cities had forgotten from where their food came,
The farms made them food every day, just the same.
Through weather and critics and markets that fall,
The farms kept on farming in spite of it all.
They farmed without thank yous.
They farmed without praise.
They farmed on the hottest and coldest of days.
They’d bought all the food, yet the next day came more,
And the people thought of something they hadn’t before.
Maybe food, they thought, doesn’t come from a store.
Maybe farmers, perhaps, mean a little bit more.