Also see Christmas Humor, Christmas and Winter.



Five Ways to say "Merry Christmas"

English - Merry Christmas
French - Joyeux NoŽl
German - Frohe Weihnachten
Italian - Buon Natale
Spanish - Feliz Navidad


Gift Card for Nuts

I searched for the perfect gift
but nothing seemed to do
then I saw these nuts
and suddenly thought of you.


Gift Card for Hot Chocolate Mix

You Friendship Has Warmed Us
The Whole Year Through
We Hope This Hot Chocolate
Will Do the Same For You.


Gift Cards for Mints


Gift Cards for M&M's

Have a Merry and Most Wonderful Holiday Season!


Gift Card for Muffins

You're Gettin' Muffin for Christmas


Gift Cards for Rice Krispie Treats

Snap! Crackle! Pop! I think you're really tops!
Thank you for putting the Snap! Crackle! Pop! into our (friendship/marriage)


Gift Cards for Lifesavers

For all the times you have come to my rescue.
You have been a lifesaver to me.


Gift Cards for Pop

May your Christmas be Merry and Sprite!
You make my day sparkle


Gift Card for Chips

I can always count on you when the chips are down.


Gift Cards for Tea

A friend like you is just my cup of tea.
May your days be steeped with love and warmed with joy!
Our friendship is like a cup of tea, a special blend of you and me!


Gift Cards for Gloves or Mittens

You are so handy to have around.
Thanks for lending a helping hand.


Magic Sleep

It's Christmas Eve, time for bed.
But not an eye will close.
Too much excitement in the air,
To let you even doze.

So make a magic potion
To help you fall asleep:
Then Santa and his helpers
Can down the chimney creep.

Pour this cocoa in a mug,
And with hot water mix:
Then drop in the magic kiss,
And stir with the candy stick!

Add a few marshmallows,
And sip it slowly down.
Crawl into bed and snuggle in-
The 'magic sleep' will come!

Note: Type this poem on a piece of paper. Attach it to a Ziploc bag that contains an envelope of hot cocoa mix, a candy cane, a chocolate Hershey's kiss, and a handful of mini marshmallows. It also makes a good idea for something different as a treat for kindergartners (either from a room mother at a party or as a gift from the teacher).


What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (Tannenbaum)


Santa's Magic Key

(get an old key and paint it gold, add some gems and attach the poem to it)

This key is very special, you see,
It won't work for you or me.

Hang it just outside your door,
Go to bed and worry no more.

Close your eyes and close them tight,
'Cause Santa Claus is coming tonight.

(alternate version)

Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney
for you to come in through
And if you miss our house
I don't know what I'll do.

Mom says you work magic
and can use just any old key
If we just hang it outside
in a place you're sure to see.

So I'm placing this old key
right beside our door
Say my prayer and jump in bed
and I won't worry anymore.


Snowman Poop

For a cute gag gift put some white packing peanuts in a bag with this poem:

You've been naughty!
Here's the scoop-
All you get for Christmas
is Snowman poop!

(alternate version)
Santa's made his list and
he's checked it twice.
He isn't too happy 'cause
you haven't been nice.
Coal is too expensive so
here's the scoop:
He's filling your stocking
with snowman poop!!

(Be careful with this. I played the trick on my son-in-law when my oldest granddaughter was around five years old. She ended up in tears and saying "my daddy is to good". She was okay after we told her it was a joke but she still didn't think it was funny.)


reindeer Reindeer Food

Tis the night before Christmas
and since every year,
You feed Santa Claus,
Now feed his reindeer!

Instructions:
1. Wait until Christmas Eve.
2. Open bag and sprinkle Reindeer Food on the lawn.
3. Hop into bed!
4. Shhhhh!!! Listen for Santa!
5. Close your eyes tight! Watch the sugarplums dance!

Contents:
Enough Reindeer food for eight tiny reindeer!

(mix glitter with oats or oatmeal to make the magic reindeer food)


Christmas Carol Game

Figure out the Christmas carol and when you do, you have to sing it!

  1. Colorless Yuletide
  2. Castaneda Seed in a Conflagration
  3. Singular Yearning for Twin Anterior Incisors
  4. Righteous Darkness
  5. Arrival Time: 24:00 Hours/Weather: Cloudless
  6. The Event Occurred At One Minute After 11:59 p.m.-Visibility Unlimited
  7. Loyal Followers Advance
  8. Approach, Everyone Who Is Steadfast
  9. Red Man En Route to Borough
  10. Delight for This Planet
  11. Ecstasy Toward the Orb
  12. The Gross Square Root Festive 24 Hour Intervals
  13. Jocund Elderly Martyr Lacking Five Cent Pieces
  14. Metallic Element AG Cup-shaped Instruments†
  15. Musical Clanging Objects Composed of A White Malleable Element
  16. Oh Yuletide Tall Woody Plant
  17. Hail Nativity Conifer
  18. Boreal Ice Crystal Homo Sapiens
  19. Female Ancestor Collides with Rangifer Tarandus
  20. Expect My Arrival at My Domicile this Yule
  21. Perambulating in Terrain of Awe 12/21 to 3/19
  22. Move hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief.
  23. Listen, the celestial messengers produce harmonious sounds
  24. Listen! The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
  25. Nocturnal time span of unbroken quietness
  26. Quiescent Nocturnal Period
  27. An emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good given to the terrestrial sphere.
  28. Embellish the interior passageways
  29. Embellish the Corridors
  30. Exalted heavenly beings to who harkened
  31. Seraphim We Aurally Detected in the Stratosphere
  32. Twelve o'clock on a clement night witnessed its arrival.
  33. The Christmas preceding all others
  34. The Primary Carol
  35. Small municipality in Judea southeast of Jerusalem
  36. Hey, Minuscule Urban Area Southwest of Jerusalem
  37. Diminutive masculine master of skin-covered percussionist cylinders
  38. The Slight Percussionist Lad
  39. Omnipotent Supreme Being who elicits respite to ecstatic distinguished males
  40. Creator Grant You Cheerful Thoughts, Noble Sirs
  41. Tranquility upon the terrestrial sphere.
  42. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals.
  43. Expectation of arrival to populated area by mythical, magical masculine perennial gift-giver.
  44. Natal celebration devoid of color.
  45. In awe of the nocturnal time span characterized by religiosity.
  46. Geographic state of fantasy during the season of Mother Nature's dormancy.
  47. The first person dominative plural of a triumvirate of far eastern heads of state.
  48. Tintinnabulation of vacillating pendulums in inverted, metallic resonant cups.
  49. In a distant location the existence of an improvised unit of newborn children's slumber
  50. Removed In a Bovine Feeding Trough
  51. Proceed forth declaring upon a specific geological alpine formation.
  52. Jovial Yuletide desired for the second person singular or plural by us
  53. Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer
  54. Celestial messengers from splendid empires
  55. Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges in the Period Past Twilight
  56. What Offspring Abides Thus
  57. Song of Joy From Harmonic Hollow Metallic Devices
  58. Are You Experiencing Parallel Auditory Input?
  59. Proceed to Broadcast This From a Much Higher Elevation
  60. Delighted Days Off
  61. I Auditorily Perceived Clapper Containers At the Peak of the Yuletide Season
  62. I Observed a Trio of Vessels Returning From Yachting
  63. A Melodic Composition Reverberates Through the Atmosphere

Answers:

  1. White Christmas
  2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
  3. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
  4. Oh Holy Night
  5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  6. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  7. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
  8. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
  9. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  10. Joy to the World
  11. Joy to the World
  12. The Twelve Days of Christmas
  13. Jolly Old Saint Nicholas
  14. Silver Bells
  15. Silver Bells
  16. Oh Christmas Tree
  17. Oh Christmas Tree
  18. Frosty the Snowman
  19. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
  20. I'll Be Home for Christmas
  21. Walking in a Winter Wonderland
  22. Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
  23. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
  24. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
  25. Silent Night
  26. Silent Night
  27. Joy to the World
  28. Deck the Halls
  29. Deck the Halls
  30. Angels We Have Heard On High
  31. Angels We Have Heard On High
  32. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  33. The First Noel
  34. The First Noel
  35. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
  36. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
  37. Little Drummer Boy
  38. Little Drummer Boy
  39. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
  40. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
  41. Peace On Earth
  42. Frosty the Snowman
  43. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  44. White Christmas
  45. O, Holy Night
  46. Winter Wonderland
  47. We Three Kings of Orient Are
  48. Jingle Bells
  49. Away In a Manger
  50. Away In a Manger
  51. Go Tell it on the Mountain
  52. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
  53. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
  54. Angels From the Realms of Glory
  55. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
  56. What Child Is This?
  57. Carol of the Bells
  58. Do You Hear What I Hear?
  59. Go Tell it on the Mountain
  60. Happy Holidays
  61. I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day
  62. I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing By
  63. There's a Song in the Air

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

Please accept as well a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)


O, Christmas Tree???

On a message board someone asked whether others had a real Christmas tree or a fake one. A person new to the board didn't realize that you had to reply from within a message or the reply would show up as a new thread. Those who hadn't noticed the Christmas tree question didn't quite know what to make of this post:
SUBJECT: Fake, the last 3yrs. I love REAL, but my husband doesn't
MESSAGE: My husband likes fake, he says less messy, more economical, safer. You have to pick your battles, even though I love real because of the smell and my childhood memories I gave in. It is a nice Fake!