This file has Southern and Redneck humor. If you are offended by that type of humor you won't enjoy this file. For things related to a particular state see the Specific Destinations file.



Political Correctness

Because of the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseeans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "Hillbillies". You must now refer to them as Appalachian-Americans.


Tips for Northerners Moving South


Only a Southerner...


Southern Girls


Flares?

A Southern gentleman had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait for help. A northerner studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied,"I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."

Quotes and Humor


Drinking? Not Us!

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch."


Y'all-bonics/English Dictionary

Not to be out done by Ebonics in California, The Southern Association of Colleges and Schools is Requesting Billions of Federal Dollars to teach Y'All-bonics in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Included here are some samples of Y'All-bonics. If you do not understand any of them, contact your closest Southern Bubba for an explanation . . .


You Might be a Redneck if...


Redneck Haiku

BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mud flaps.

ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order.

IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keep me from
My El Camino.


Redneck 12th Grade Reading Test

TEST #1 TEST #2 TEST #3 TEST #4
MR DucksMR Snakes MR MiceMR Farmers
MR KnotMR Knot MR KnotMR Knot
SARSAR SARSAR
CM WangsCM BDI's CMEDBD FeetCMMT Pockets
LIBLIB LIBLIB
MR DucksMR Snakes MR MiceMR Farmers

Special Forces

The latest plan to drive the Taliban and Al Qaeda out of the mountains of Afghanistan is to send in team of Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo and Cooter are being sent in with the following information about the Taliban.
1) The season opened last weekend
2) There is no limit
3) They taste just like chicken
4) They don't like pickup trucks, country music or Jesus
5) Some of them are queer
6) They don't like beer or barbecue
7) They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death

It should be over in about a week.


Songs about the South