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Quotes and Jokes

What's Next?

Mother: "Nylons? Paula's mother lets her wear nylons?! But, honey--you're only in grade one! You're little girls. If you start wearing and doing grown-up things now, what will you do when you get to be a teenager?"
Little girl: "Tammy's cousin shaved her head and painted half of it green."

Four-Letter Words

Teenage boy: "Bleah, What *@*and# weather."
Mother: "Watch your language. What's happening? Can't people express themselves anymore? Every movie, every conversation seems to be peppered with garbage words! There are thousands of wonderful, descriptive words to choose from...why do people today constantly repeat the same stupid four-letter words?!"
Father: "Maybe they like to stick with the ones they can spell!"

How to be?

(Jamie Newland)

How to be?
How to stand?
What to wear?
Should I lend a hand?
When to laugh?
When to cry?
How to hide all that's inside?
To wear my hair low or high?
How to make the time rush by?
What to do?
When to speak?
How to stop my flushing cheeks?
How to say?
How to be?
Once and for all,
Who is me?

Hot Line

(Louella Dunann)

Our daughter, Alicia
Had just turned sixteen,
And was earning the title
Of "Telephone Queen."

For her birthday we gave her
Her own private phone
Along with instructions
To leave ours alone.

Now we still catch her using
Our line, with the stall,
"I can't tie mine up, Mom,
I might get a call."

Cover Girl

A teenage daughter, parents find,
From everything they've seen or read,
Is quick at making up her mind--
But slow in making up her bed.

Reason for Being

(Mary Margaret De Angelis)

Small babies were made to render joy
To hearts of those around them;
The child recalls to human minds
The wonders that surround them;
Adults were made to rescue worlds
That seem about to crumble;
But teens were made especially
To keep their parents humble.

A Party

It's always a party
When my friends are here.
We don't need streamers
Or balloons floating near.

'Cuz when we're together,
There's fun everywhere.
Our dreams are confetti
Tossed high in the air.

Thirteen

(Nicholas Gordon)

Thirteen is a very lucky age!
Happiness comes tumbling out the door
Instantly a-giggle with a friend,
Returning with the bounce of empty bliss.

There's no better ecstasy than this,
Even when the strange teen changes end,
Even when one finally knows the score.
No time of life's more bubbly than this stage.

(Note: I suspect Mr. Gordon has never been the parent of a thirteen-year-old!)

Theme Pages for Teens:

The Cat Years

I just realized that while children are dogs--loyal and affectionate--teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knees and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age thirteen your adorable little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your footsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry--then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving.

When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings.

Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave. Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you have to learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking the warm, comfortable lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day, your grown up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."

Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.

A Child's Bill of Rights

My son came home from school one day,
with that smile on his face.
Watch me blow my Mom away,
I'll put her in her place.
Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
taught by Mr. Wright
It was all about the law today,
The Children's Bill of Rights.
I don't have to clean my room or
even cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to eat
or choose the clothes I wear.

Freedom of speech is my
constitutional guarantee.
It is my choice of what to read
or watch on the TV.
I have the freedom of religion,
and no matter what you say,
I don't have to ask your God for help,
I don't have to kneel to pray.
I can also wear an earring in my ear
or even pierce my nose.
I can have the Devil's number
tattooed across my toes.

Hey, If you ever spank me,
I can charge you with assault.
I can back up all my charges
with the black and blue results.
Don't ever touch my body,
it is for me to use
for all those hugs and kisses
are a form of sex abuse.
Don't fill my head with morals
like your mother did to you.
There's such a thing called mind
control, that is illegal too.

Mom, I have these children's rights.
You can't do a thing to me.
I'll just call the children's services,
better known as C.S.D.

My very first impression was
to toss him out the door,
But here is a chance to teach a lesson
for once and ever more.

I kind of mulled it over,
but I didn't let it go.
This kid of mine doesn't realize,
he is working with a pro.

The next day I took him shopping.
Much to his dismay.
I didn't buy him 501's
or shirts designed by Nike.

I called and talked to C.S.D.
The said they didn't care,
If I bought him Volume shoes,
or a pair of Nike Airs.
I canceled his appointment
to test his driving SKILLS.
I'd probably be dead by now,
If only looks could kill.

I don't have time to stop and eat,
get stuff for you to munch.
I followed C.S.D.'s advice,
I brought you a big sack lunch.

So, you say you're not so hungry,
You can wait till dinnertime.
I am fixing liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine.

So, you want to get a movie
to watch on the VCR.
Gosh! I sold the television
to buy tires for my car.

I also rented out your room,
You don't really need a bed.
All I really have to do
is put a roof over your head.

As long as I will buy your clothes
and all the food you eat.
I can keep your allowance
and buy me something really neat.

I know you like tacos after
we have shopped all day.
Son, I have my bill of rights,
they go in effect today.

Son, why are you crying?
What are you doing on your knees?
You're asking God to help you,
instead of C.S.D.?

Songs about Curfew

Songs about Diaries

Songs about Teens

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