Also see Growing Older, Tribute Albums and Adult Birthdays.



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Quotes and Humor


A Fond Farewell

Employee to coworker: "I'm collecting for Ed's farewell gift."
Coworker--taking $5: "Ed treated me like dirt. I find him guilty and fine him $5."
First employee: "Hey, I just put that in there."
Coworker: "Come back if you get more."


Farewell Album

A poem from this site was modified by a reader for a co-worker's farewell album. She took pictures of people at work, put them in the album, and let everyone write a farewell message. She added stickers related to things her coworker liked. The receiver was very touched.

You have a list of folks you know
with pictures in this book,
And every now and then
You can go and take a look.

That is when you'll realize
these names . . . they are a part,
not of the book they're written in . . .
but also from the heart.

For each Name stands for someone
who has crossed your path sometime,
and in that meeting they have become
the reason and the rhyme.

Although it sounds fantastic.
for us to make this claim,
We really are composed
of each remembered name.

Although you're probably not aware
of any special link,
just knowing you, has shaped our lives
more than you could think.

And when we send a greeting
that is addressed to you,
it is because you're on the list
of folks we're indebted to.

So whether we have known you
for many days or few,
in some way you have been a part
in shaping things we do.

We all are but a total
of the many folks we've met,
and you are a friend we would prefer
never to forget!

Thank you for being our friend!


Saying Goodbye

(from "The Muppets Take Manhattan")

Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say
Touching our hands, wondering why
It's time for saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes its better to go
Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when

You're in my heart, so until then
It's time for saying goodbye.


Retirement

(Bee Ewing)

Time is a wonderful thing
To have on your side at last.
Look forward with faith to the future,
Accept with peace the past.

Time for travel, fun and adventure,
To discover new dimensions in yourself.
It is time to do what pleases you,
Take a dusty dream off the shelf.

Fulfillment is found in expression,
Priorities are yours to arrange.
Retirement is just another word,
For what can be a wonderful change.


ABC's of Retirement

(Linda B. did this in a silver Sentiments album as a gift. She used simple stickers and borders. Also use family members names, hobbies, interests, etc.)

A - Absolute freedom, Adventure
B - Blessings of retired life
C - Celebration, Children, Coworkers
D - Dear friends, Daily rest
E - Enjoy! , Excitement
F - Family, Fun
G - Grandkids, Globetrotter
H - Hobbies, Home
I - Independence
J - Joy, Jubilation
K - Kudos (for job well-done), Kids
L - Lazy days, Lounge around
M - Memories, Morning sleep-ins
N - New Experiences, No alarm clock
O - Opportunities, On the go
P - Peace, Party, Play
Q - Quittin' time, Quiet time
R - Recreation, Rejoice, Relax
S - Stress-free, Slower pace
T - Travel, Thanks
U - Uninterrupted time, Undeniably fun
V - Vacations, Visiting
W - Wonderful, Well-done, W-2's (no more)
X - hilirating, X-cellent, X-citing
Z - Zzzzzz's mean time for naps


Reflections on the Subject of Aging

(Bruce Bliven)

In our 80's, Rosie and I live by the rules of the elderly. If the toothbrush is wet, you have cleaned your teeth. If the bedside radio is warm in the morning, you left it on all night. If you are wearing one brown and one black shoe, quite probably you have a pair just like it in the closet.
Rosie has aged some in the past year and now seems like a woman in her 40s. She deplores with me the miscreant who regularly enters our house in the middle of the night and squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle and then departs. As for me, I am as bright as can be expected, remembering the friend who told me years ago "If your IQ ever breaks 100, sell!"
Like most elderly people, we spend happy hours in front of the TV set. We rarely turn it on, of course. I walk with a slight straddle hoping people will think I just got off a horse. I considered carrying a riding crop but gave it up . . . too ostentatious. I stagger when I walk and small boys follow me, making bets on which way I'll go next. This upsets me; children shouldn't gamble.
On my daily excursions, I greet everyone punctiliously, including headrests in empty parked cars. Dignified friends seem surprised when I greet them with a breezy Hi!" They don't realize I haven't enough breath for some huge two-syllable word of greeting.
When we are old, the young are kinder to us, and we are kinder to each other. There is a sunset glow that irradiates our faces and is reflected on the faces of those around us. But it is still sunset.


Julie Andrews Concert for AARP

(Favorite Things--with words changed to fit the AARP theme.)

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.


The Retired Guy is So Busy That Everyone is Surprised

(Erma Bombeck)

See Jim.
Jim used to run and jump and chase accounts. Jim is going to stay home now. He has a new watch.
He will tell you what time it is even when you don't ask.
It is time to get up.
It is time to alphabetize your spices.
It is time to eat. (Lunch-dinner-breakfast-break-snack-party.)
It is time to use the packet of yeast before it expires at noon tomorrow.
Sometimes Jim will act like a house guest.
"Where do you hide the iced tea glasses?"
"The hall bathroom needs toilet tissue."
"I'd put the dishes away, but I don't know where they belong."
Sometimes Jim will act like he has hired you for the summer.
"Who was that on the phone and what did they want?"
"Where are you going and what time are you coming back?"
"I don't think that grass can wait another day."
Retired men like Jim bring efficiency to the home.
"It is cheaper to make you own tea bags than to buy ready-made."
"Don't heat up the oven for one baked potato. Do a dozen and freeze them."
Jim likes you to go to bed when he is tired, stay awake when he is not sleepy, turn down the thermostat when he is warm and eat when he is hungry.
See Jim drive a nail by the door to hold your car keys.
See Jim drive a nail by the phone to hold your pencil.
See Jim drive a nail in the kitchen to hold your glasses.
See Jim drive a nail in the desk to hold your unpaid bills.
See Jim drive you crazy.
You are surprised. You did not know you married a man who knew so much about dishwashers, wax build-up, hand-washables, stain removers, children and how to keep bananas from turning brown.
Jim is surprised. He does not know how you have managed to get through forty years of running a house without him.
Everyone is surprised he is busier than ever.
You're not.


Just a Little More Consideration in the Older Years

(A Man's Point of View)

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation:

When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra income and for health insurance benefits that we need. She was a trained lab tech when we met thirty some years ago and was fortunate to land a job at the local medical center as a phlebotomist.

It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she often says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.

She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.

Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired. Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to Monday's lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace. Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice.

For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try to not embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older.

My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the effort. And even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.