Notes about new stuff
This file contains items most recently added to the website. The things are also in the appropriate files. I did not include minor items - such as individual page toppers or song titles added to an existing list, the addition of an author, updates to broken links, etc. These items are in no particular order.
Things added in December 2016
- Bucket lists are very popular right now. Here are examples of Bucket List Albums to give as gifts. The recipient can not only make their lists in the albums but also add photos of completed items on pre-decorated pages. Or you can make one for yourself.
- I made scrapbooks as gifts for my granddaughters when they graduated from high school. Here are examples and ideas to help you make them for your own children or grandchildren - or any close family member.
- Graduation Gift Idea: Buy the Dr. Seuss book "The Places You'll Go". Have the graduate's teachers, scout leader, neighbors, pastor, and other adults who have been part of their lives write notes to the graduate in the book.
- A great site for those interested in making digital scrapbooks: Milhash
I completely updated the Holiday and Celebration Calendar pages.
Oldest Child - I make the rules.
Middle Child - I'm the reason we have rules.
Youngest Child - The rules don't apply to me.
What is Love?
Dependability, caring, protection, listening and kindness. Love does not demand, it asks. Love does not manipulate into dark ways, but leads to illumination. Love does not accuse, it questions in a positive manner. Lose is not always being together, but is an intersection of two people in a world of fast moving fates. Love is like a solid comfortable hide-a-bed...sturdy, provides excellent support and is durable. It you know how it works, you can even sleep on it.
And November goes,
With the last red berries
And the first white snows.
With night coming early,
And dawn coming late,
And ice in the bucket
And frost by the gate.
The fires burn
And the kettles sing,
And earth sinks to rest
Until next spring."
Gobble Gobble said the turkey
Soon it will be Thanksgiving Day
How will you treat me?
Will you eat me?
I think I'll run away!
God bless my little kitchen
I love its every nook
And bless me as I do my work
Wash pots and pans and cook.
May the sun bring you new energy each day.
May the moon softly restore you by night.
May the rain wash away your worries.
May the breeze blow new strength into your being.
May you walk gently through the world
and know its beauty all the days of your life.
Creation of the Cat
On the first day of creation,
God created the cat.
On the second day,
God created man to serve the cat.
On the third,
God created all the animals
of the earth to serve as potential
food for the cat.
On the fourth day,
God created honest toil so that man
could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day,
God created the sparkle ball
so that the cat
might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day,
God created veterinary science
to keep the cat healthy
and the man broke.
On the seventh day,
God tried to rest,
but he had to scoop the litterbox.
Stop, Look and Listen
I stop, look and listen,
Before I cross the street.
I use my eyes,
I use my ears,
And then I use my feet.
Note: My daughters learned this in kindergarten. I think it helps children better learn to be careful when crossing the street than just telling them over and over.
(Christina Rossetti, 1830 - 1894)
I tell my secret? No indeed, not I;
Perhaps some day, who knows?
But not today; it froze, and blows and snows,
And you're too curious: fie!
You want to hear it? well:
Only, my secret's mine, and I won't tell.
Or, after all, perhaps there's none:
Suppose there is no secret after all,
But only just my fun.
Today's a nipping day, a biting day;
In which one wants a shawl,
A veil, a cloak, and other wraps:
I cannot ope to everyone who taps,
And let the draughts come whistling thro' my hall;
Come bounding and surrounding me,
Come buffeting, astounding me,
Nipping and clipping thro' my wraps and all.
I wear my mask for warmth: who ever shows
His nose to Russian snows
To be pecked at by every wind that blows?
You would not peck? I thank you for good will,
Believe, but leave the truth untested still.
Spring's an expansive time: yet I don't trust
March with its peck of dust,
Nor April with its rainbow-crowned brief showers,
Nor even May, whose flowers
One frost may wither thro' the sunless hours.
Perhaps some languid summer day,
When drowsy birds sing less and less,
And golden fruit is ripening to excess,
If there's not too much sun nor too much cloud,
And the warm wind is neither still nor loud,
Perhaps my secret I may say,
Or you may guess.
The Lion and the Ant
Every day a small ant arrives at work early and starts working immediately. She produces a lot and is happy.
The chief, a lion, is surprised to see that the ant is working without supervision. He decides that if the ant can produce so much without supervision, she should be able to produce even more if she had a supervisor. The lion recruits a cockroach who has experience as a supervisor and writes excellent reports.
The roach's first decision is to set up a clock in system. He also hired a secretary to help him write his reports and he recruited a spider to manage the archives and monitor phone calls.
The lion was delighted with the roach's reports and asked him to create graphs of production rates to use as presentations at board meetings. The roach had to buy a computer and a laser printer and recruited a fly to manage the IT department.
The department where the ant works is now a sad place where nobody laughs and where everybody is upset. The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated all the new paperwork and the meetings that used up so much of her time.
The lion concluded it was time to put someone in charge of the department where the ant worked. The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office. The cicada also needed a computer and a personal assistant, who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimization Plan.
Having reviewed the charges for running the ant's department, the lion found out that production was much less than before. So he recruited the owl, a renowned consultant, to carry out an audit and suggest solutions. The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report that concluded the department was overstaffed.
Guess who the lion fires first. The ant, of course, because she "showed a lack of motivation and had a negative attitude."
And that explains why we are still in a recession and why it's a bad time to be an ant.
Food-Related Team Mascots
There are many of these but here are a few I ran across during other research.
- Blooming Prairie High School in MN: Awesome Blossom (giant blossoming onion)
- Delta State in Cleveland, Mississippi: The Fighting Okra
- Scottsdale Community College in AZ: Artie the Artichoke
- University of North Carolina School of the Arts in Winston-Salem: The Fighting Pickle
- University of Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns at Lafayette: Cayenne
- Ojai Valley School in CA: Spuds
- Ridgefield High School in WA: Spudder (jumping potato)
- Rocky Ford High School in CO: Meloneer (muscular watermelon in red shorts)
- Syracuse University in New York: Otto the Orange
- New Berlin Jr./Sr. High School in IL: Pretzels
- The Montgomery Biscuits in Alabama: Monty (anthropomorphized buttermilk biscuit)
- Modesto Nuts in CA: They have three mascots, Al the Almond, Wally the Walnut, Shelley the Pistachio
- It is estimated that it would take glass one million years to decompose in a landfill but it can be recycled an infinite number of times.
- The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
- In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
- Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
- Wrap gifts for each child in a different kind of paper. Put a small piece of the paper in each sock so they know which gifts are theirs. This would also work with adults - especially if you have family members who like to shake and squeeze their packages to try to figure out what's inside.
- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (Probably only people who enjoy math would think this is cool - I am one of those people.)
- Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
- Everything weighs about one percent less at the equator so I think all scales should be adjusted accordingly.
- Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
- Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end. (Note from Denny: Sometimes I would be better off if mine were attached at both ends!)
Quotes on Various Subjects
- If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.
- As a nurse, we have the opportunity to heal the heart, mind, soul and body of our patients, their families and ourselves. They may forget your name, but they will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)
- Redheads are God's way of giving the world roses.
- Making good people helpless does not make bad people harmless.
- Love thy neighbor and if it requires that you bend the truth, the truth will understand. (Robert Brault)
- I'd rather be known as the "crazy cat lady" than a "people person" because I may have lost my mind but I've found my soul.
- Young kittens assume that all other animals are cats, approach them with jaunty friendliness, and invite them to play. (Muriel Beadle)
- Dogs, for a reason that can only be described as divine, have the ability to forgive, let go of the past, and live each day joyously. It's something the rest of us strive for. (Jennifer Skiff)
- It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.
- Saving one dog will not change the world, but surely for that one dog, the world will change forever. (Karen Davison)
- Music is what my feelings sound like.
- Cough, rough, though, through - why don't those words rhyme but for some inexplicable reason pony and bologna do.
- On really bad days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100 percent, and that's pretty good.
- I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been. (William Golding)
- Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. (from a quote by Erick S. Gray)
- Funny that the people who aren't doing the fighting are the most tired of it," Evan said. "We never knew anything about people being sick of it, or protests, or people thinking we were the bad guys. All our news was censored. We thought everyone would be proud of us, like they are of our dads. We were out there [Vietnam], putting everything on the line every day because that's what our country told us to do, under conditions that would make a saint afraid to look God in the face, and we were doing our best. I knew there were a few anti-war protests before I left, but I never expected it to be like this... (Sabrina Fedel)
- I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. (Susan B. Anthony)
- I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road. (Stephen Hawking)
- May the good saints protect you and bless you today...and may troubles ignore you every step of the way.
- The future is something that everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. (C. S. Lewis)
- Men, if you can't control your woman...Then you've found a good one.
- Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. (Dr. Seuss)
- Love isn't blind, it just doesn't tell all it sees.
- People think your soul mate is your perfect fit. And that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. (Elizabeth Gilbert)
- You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. (Dr. Seuss)
- Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out. (G.K. Chesterton)
- People who wonder whether the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable.
- Everyone is a genius in some way but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.
- It's better to walk alone than with a crowd going in the wrong direction. (Diane Grant)
- Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road. (John Henry Jowett)
- Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.
- When a woman tells you her problems it doesn't mean she's complaining, it means she trusts you.
- Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.
- One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is whether to walk away or try harder.
- If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. (Lao Tzu)
- You may have had a bad start in life, but you need not have a bad ending.
- When parents say to their kids "Go to your room and think about what you've done", it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult. (Pat Tobin)
- At the root of this dilemma is the way we view mental health in this country. Whether an illness affects your heart, your leg or your brain, it's still an illness, and there should be no distinction. (Michelle Obama)
- A child's mental health is just as important as their physical health and deserves the same quality of support. No one would feel embarrassed about seeking help for a child if they broke their arm - and we really should be equally ready to support a child coping with emotional difficulties. (Kate Middleton)
- It is an odd paradox that a society, which can now speak openly and unabashedly about topics that were once unspeakable, still remains largely silent when it comes to mental illness. (Glenn Close)
- No one would ever say that someone with a broken arm or a broken leg is less than a whole person, but people say that or imply that all the time about people with mental illness. (Elyn R. Saks)
- We know that mental illness is not something that happens to other people. It touches us all. Why then is mental illness met with so much misunderstanding and fear? (Tipper Gore)
- We need so much more openness, transparency and understanding that it's okay to talk about depression as illness. It is not a weakness. It's not a moral shortcoming. It's not something people brought on themselves. (Dr. John F. Greden)
- What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation about illnesses that affect not only individuals, but their families as well. (Glenn Close)
- The best part about getting vaccinated isn't the lollipop. It's the part where you don't get sick and die.
- Unless you have to rest after taking a shower, you have no idea what tired is.
- A friend will help you up if someone knocks you down. A best friend says "Stay down, I got this."
- A friend is one before whom you can think aloud.
- A friend is someone who can put a finger on your faults without rubbing it in.
- No one who cooks, cooks alone. Even at her most solitary, a cook in the kitchen is surrounded by generations of cooks past, the advice and menus of cooks present, the wisdom of cookbook writers. (Laurie Colwin)
- Slow down, sip a cup of tea, steep in oneness and let the world dissolve. It will be waiting for you when you come back. (David Newman)
- Most of the footprints left in the sands of time have been made by work shoes.
- Every book you've ever read is just a different combination of 26 letters.
- If you avoid conflict to keep the peace you start a war inside yourself.
Humorous Quotes on Various Subjects
- There should be a calorie refund for things that didn't taste as good as you expected.
- I've put a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna to work for me.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
- Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.
- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
- Notice in health food shop window: Closed Due to Illness
- Who came up with the brilliant idea to move the clocks forward on a weekend in the middle of the night? Why not move then ahead on a Friday around 4 p.m.?
- Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
- I'm starting group meetings at my house for people with OCD. Not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
- Always keep several get-well cards lying around. That way unexpected guests will think you've been too sick to clean.
- My housekeeping style is best described as "There appears to have been a struggle".
- I leave my house messy so that when my friend visit, they leave feeling better about their own housekeeping skills. Yep, I'm that good a friend!
- You say I'm messy. I say my things are arranged in an abstract manner intentionally as a part of my unquenchable thirst for creative expression.
- If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.
- I'm a perfectionist and a procrastinator. That means I want my house to look perfect...tomorrow.
- Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I have to assume there are people living here that I haven't met yet.
- Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
- I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of my missing socks.
- If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
- You can't buy happiness but you can buy cupcakes and that's kinda the same thing.
- How to prepare tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some meat.
- My cooking is so awesome even the smoke alarm cheers me on.
- Brunch is breakfast without an alarm clock.
- The Himalayan sea salt we got today says it was created 250 million years ago. It has an expiration date of May 2017. I guess they dug it up just in time. (Jeff Dunham)
- Diet: Day 1 - I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.
- The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread.
- I hate it when I think I'm buying ORGANIC vegetables, but when I get home they're just REGULAR donuts.
- I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn't be fair to all the skinny people if I was attractive, intelligent, funny AND thin. It's a public service really.
- Not to brag, but I just finished a 14-day diet in five hours.
- The IRS sent my tax return back! Again! I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents". I replied: "12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 42 million unemployable people on food stamps, 2 million people in prison, 535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate." Apparently, this was not an acceptable answer.
- Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.
- Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible like that.
- When a woman says "What?" it's not because she didn't hear you, she's just giving you a chance to change what you said.
- God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
- A recent study has found that women who gain a little weight live longer than men who mention it.
- You are the wind beneath my wings...otherwise known as turbulence.
- Advice to men: If a woman says "Do whatever you want"; do NOT do what you want, stand still, don't blink, don't even breathe, just play dead.
- I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.
- Aging has slowed me down but it hasn't shut me up.
- The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
- Give me one good reason for acting my age.
- I am finding senility to be a smooth transition for me.
- I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".
- There are a lot of good things about being old. I just can't remember any of them.
- You call them gray hairs, I call them stress highlights.
- When I put on an outfit that doesn't make me look good, I throw it on the floor. Like no, you don't deserve to be hung up, sit there and think about what you've done.
- Life is short, buy the shoes...and a matching purse if they have one.
- When people say "Stop living in the past", my thought is "But the music was so much better then".
- I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off.
- Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
- I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist with experience.
- On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
- I just ordered a life alert bracelet so if I get a life I'll be notified immediately.
- They call it a "selfie" because "narcissistie" is too hard to spell.
- When I see a rich, snooty looking woman at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say "excuse me, do you work here?" just to keep things real.
- I don't pretend to be something I'm not. Well, normal...sometimes I pretend I'm normal.
- A customer almost died in front of me today! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
- Answering machine message: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
- Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
- Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.
- It's National Engineers Week so hug an engineer. The engineer won't like it but do it anyway!
- I want a closed casket funeral. However, towards the end I want the organist to play "Pop Goes the Weasel" over and over until everyone is staring at my coffin with silent, horrified anticipation.
- Facebook is proof that you're never too old to have imaginary friends.
- Foot (noun) a device used for finding Legos in the dark.
- Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- Quick and easy Halloween costume for computer geeks: Use fabric paint (or even a marker) to write on a t-shirt "Error 404: Costume not found".
- The solution to a bad hair day is to wear a low-cut blouse.
- My brain has too many tabs open.
- Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
- There is no problem that can't be solved with a little self-delusion.
- I am not anti-social - I am just really pro-me.
- Hold on a minute, I'm busy overreacting to something.
- The human brain is awesome. It functions 24 hours a day from the day we are born and only stops when we are taking an exam or fall in love.
- I think I'll just put an "out of order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
- When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Drive two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
- When you are having a problem remember "This too shall pass". It might pass like a kidney stone, but it WILL pass.
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- Everything happens for a reason...sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions.
- Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound.
- You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
- If voting made a difference they wouldn't let us do it. (Mark Twain)
- Lord, give me patience...because if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.
- English can be confusing. It can be understood though, through tough thorough thought.
- There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- Nothing says "I love you" like cheap stuff made in China by slave labor, sold by a company owned by billionaires benefiting from corporate welfare, paying slave wages to employees kept from enjoying Thanksgiving with their families.
- Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it.
- Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
- The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
- The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
- When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment...now, as a grown up, it feels like a small vacation.
- Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back and don't ask Y.
- Rule of math: If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong.
- There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator. (For some reason, only a fraction of people find this funny.)
- When I die I want catnip planted on my grave. Then all the stray cemetery cats will flock to my grave and rub all over it, and people will think I'm some kind of cat god.
- I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance.
- If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they keep eating all their food.
- Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.
- That horrifying moment when you're looking around for an adult, but you realize you are an adult. So you look around for an older adult. An adulter adult. Someone better at adulting than you.
- When you're dead, you won't even know you're dead. It's a pain only felt by others. Same thing when you're stupid.
- I know how to load more than a washer and dryer.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit...Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
- Not to get technical but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
- What if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
- Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
- When life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at the people making your life difficult.
- You can't always control who walks into your life...but you can control which window you throw them out of.
- Some people just need a high-five...in the face...with a chair.
- Some people just need a sympathetic pat...on the head...with a hammer.
- Does it count as saving someone's life if you refrain from killing them?
- It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over nothing...I have those talents!